Yesterday when I came home I found a letter from my mortgage servicer in the mailbox, offering to enroll me in a so-called “equity acceleration” program. The idea is that if you make half your mortgage payment every two weeks instead of once a month, you can shave off years of paying your mortgage and save gazillions of interest in the process. All without refinancing.

Now, I’m always game when it comes to saving gazillions. You’d think that a simple adjustment in the payment schedule, which will probably take about five minutes max, should be available on the cheap. Well, think again. Despite several statements such as “It costs nothing to get started” and “You have nothing to lose and so much to gain”, there actually are some costs involved when you dare to flip the page and look at the fine print.

The one-time Enrollment fee is $ 295 (!) Whoa! What for? For clicking on a different box in your customer relationship software? But wait, that’s not all. Additionally you’ll be charged $ 5.42 per month for this incredible service! How did they calculate $ 5.42? Why not $ 5.76 or $ 4.77? What exactly is this monthly fee for, other than ripping you off because you didn’t pay enough attention? Don’t you just love these stupid fees?

Well, listen up, guys. If you like the basic idea behind these programs, save yourself these highly unnecessary expenses and create your very own “synthetic equity accelerator” program. Just make one extra payment a year toward your house and you’re done. Because this is exactly what these programs do. By paying every 2 weeks you make 26 half-payments a year, whereas on a monthly schedule you’d make the equivalent of 24 half payments.

Now, where is the easy button?